10 Ways to Fail at Your First Jiu-Jitsu Tournament

The sure fire ways to fail your first time competing, paired with mixed metaphor-style-selected memes:

Cut weight for the first time ever in your life by not eating and/or drinking for a couple days beforehand.

Spend the entire match fighting for a takedown even though you practice takedowns for a few minutes every month or so.


Go for that flying omoplata to armbar transition you saw in a highlight reel on youtube the other day.

Go for that guard break you just learned last week in class.

Ignore your coach and their coaching as much as possible during your match.


Have no fun whatsoever. If you win, rip open your guy like it's the world championships.



If you lose, pound the mat with a closed first, perhaps curse, and claim that it "would have been different if there was striking".








Enter the beginner/novice division even though you wrestled for 5+ years or played Judo for 5+ years.



Quit midway through your bracket due to exhaustion.




Don't eat all day from the time you get to the tournament up until you division begins OR eat very poorly, Waffle House or perhaps some Wendy's the morning of the tournament then wonder why you felt sluggish in all your matches

10 Ways to Fail at Jiu-Jitsu

1. Show up sporadically. The less frequent the better. Better yet, get your blue belt and quit like most people. Don't even waste your time once you can get the belt most people who kind of train get.

 

2. Ask "why not?" questions. A "why not?" questions results from your starting belief based in why something will not work. "Why?" questions are powerful. "Why should I learn closed guard?" "Why do we learn to fight off of our back in Jiu-Jitsu?"  "Why do we wear a gi?"

"Why not?" questions are along the lines of saying why things won't work without having actually tried the technique. Or asking why you haven't gotten a stripe, a promotion, a belt, a pat on the back, or whatever.

Also, be sure to refer to why it would or wouldn't work in another grappling sport if you have a background in that. If you've wrestled, forget learning how to fight off your back. If you've played Judo, just pin everyone, who needs to advance position? If you're an MMA fighter (or want to be/like telling girls at the bar Friday and Saturday night that you train UFC) you especially don't need to learn much Jiu-Jitsu.

3. Train every round in rolling like it is the World Championships. Do not tap until you fear something will tear any second. Extra points for only rolling with people smaller than you, newer than you, and being sure to always be not tired enough from hard training to instruct lower belts/same rank as you.

4. Don't compete. Figure that if it works in the gym against people you're comfortable rolling with it will work any other time. Better yet, avoid open mats and training with people you normally don't train with regularly. People who drop in from out of town can creep in underneath your radar. Avoid them because who wants to lose to someone in front of your regular training partners?

5. Don't train takedowns or gripfighting.


6. Don't cross train. Learning some gripfighting couldn't possibly help your takedowns for Jiu-Jitsu. Avoid leglocks because they are cheap and don't count.

7. Avoid NoGi training at all costs. If you do roll without the Gi, sem kimono we call it, blame any missed opportunities or lack of success on the other person's athleticism and/or sweat.

8. Make fun of closed guard as a stalling position then go learn Lapel guard because it's modern and lets you tie the person up.

9. Decide that there can be no overlap between Jiu-Jitsu as martial art and Jiu-Jitsu as sport/competition. Doggedly believe in one or the other and make fun of anyone/criticize those who do not share your preference.

10. Don't drill. Miss the instructional time and just roll regularly at open mats with little to no concerted learning time.