Thursday, February 19, 2015

10 Ways to Fail at Your First Jiu-Jitsu Tournament

The sure fire ways to fail your first time competing, paired with mixed metaphor-style-selected memes:

Cut weight for the first time ever in your life by not eating and/or drinking for a couple days beforehand.

Spend the entire match fighting for a takedown even though you practice takedowns for a few minutes every month or so.

Go for that flying omoplata to armbar transition you saw in a highlight reel on youtube the other day.

Go for that guard break you just learned last week in class.

Ignore your coach and their coaching as much as possible during your match.

Have no fun whatsoever. If you win, rip open your guy like it's the world championships.

If you lose, pound the mat with a closed first, perhaps curse, and claim that it "would have been different if there was striking".

Enter the beginner/novice division even though you wrestled for 5+ years or played Judo for 5+ years.

Quit midway through your bracket due to exhaustion.

Don't eat all day from the time you get to the tournament up until you division begins OR eat very poorly, Waffle House or perhaps some Wendy's the morning of the tournament then wonder why you felt sluggish in all your matches

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